I bet we all long for a peaceful weekend after a tiresome week and we meticulously plan on what we would prefer to do.Probably a mini_vacay, some gardening, trying those complicated recipes,a relaxing moment in a spa, you name it.
My plan was to stay indoors indunged in a podcast,a movie marathon or work on my book that i took off my mind six months ago.But let's say I was bribed to do other things."I want you to accompany me to this work event on Friday evening, it will go on till Saturday. It's a yes or a yes"Jade was straightforward. No thanks,I prefer waking up in some pyjamas. My energy can't handle emotional noise at the moment and i would rather spend the day talking to my green babies. I knew he wouldn't take my no. "First of all,it will be a small intimate thing. If it sucks your energy,i promise to take you to a spiritual retreat and also treat you to your favorite Ethiopian spot for lunch next week. Honestly this might be a perfect chance to showcase your designs.It will be a very porsche event, trust me. I will be picking you up and remember my colleagues can be nosy and weird.
That's how I found myself in this nice location, filled with nice fresh air, eating small portions of food and sorrounded by strangers. Don't get me wrong,I love strangers.Well, they can be shameless but they are more honest. "Do you work here? Your dress is beautiful but also revealing. People were staring when you walked in.But you youngins should use this time before your body changes.After giving birth,so much happens". The lady across curtly tells me. Um, thank you. I'm a plus one and I made the dress. I don't mind the stares,I always prefer giving a show.Also I don't want to ever give birth. I bluntly tell her.
I'm that girl who isn't afraid of speaking her mind. The thing is I can't carry a pregnancy due to a state of willingness. I have always loved babies and I think i would want to be a mom someday. I have occasionally imagined of cutely dressing them, biting their cheeks, introducing them to my plants/my favorite moon phases, taking pictures everyday and just documenting everything.
Allow me to take you a while back when i was in primary school, getting introduced to reproductive health.My teacher used to say the cervix will open for 10 centimeters when giving birth.Trust me that's when my nightmare begun,it instilled a massive fear.Everytime when I'm in the bathroom I used to check my lady parts and wonder how it will happen.Honestly,I still do. Like, I don't understand the female body anatomy, but if that never gave you chills,bravo.
I have heard traumatic birth stories, how women get vaginal tears, huge complications,loose their teeth, breaking their backs, etc.The worst thing is some of these, will be a permanent mark in your body. Forgive me if i ain't that strong but I can't put my body through all that. I have had numerous conversations with friends and strangers who've had babies and honestly i usually feel like they withhold information. Like what's wrong with you, spill everything.
Everytime i see a pregnant woman, I'm always tempted to ask if they are ready for the whole journey, if it was planned or the reason they are doing it. Occasionally,I have told people about my phobia but no one seems to share my sentiments. They're all ready and quick to judge me, how I'm selfish and modernized. They also say that mwanamke ni uchungu, sorry hun i ain't cut from that cloth. I be fighting for my life when cramping, you think I can handle more? I also understand that the experiences vary, but I'm i supposed to give it a trial to find out?
I remember someone telling me that i would never find an African husband who would would agree with my thoughts. I don't intend to get involved with one, no offense but we should give our brothers the benefit of the doubt, right? I hope you are all doing it for the right reasons not because you have to.You don't have to follow a social construct boo.
My point is,I can stand nine months of mood swings, throwing up, cravings, not fitting in my clothes, etc but before the doctors come up with a painless, easy procedure,I will continue saving for a surrogate. I'm sure I won't be missing out on anything. Also remember when in doubt, don't.
