A LETTER TO MY EX.

Many months have passed and am sure you wonder why I stopped contacting you.I know you keep checking your phone,switching it on and off,thinking you will see any text messages,missed calls or some emails.Am also sure you can't stop stalking my social media accounts.You might be asking why I went missing or most probably you think I lost your contacts.But honestly,I grew up.I know you will be surprised.i have no idea how it happened too.Because if I were the same girl,trust me I would be blowing off your phone with thousands messages a day and making excuses to see you.Yeea,I grew up.
But now I want to ask for forgiveness.


Please forgive me for loving you so hard.For being loyal and giving you my heart.Am sorry for making my world revolve around you.For sharing my dreams and always talking about our forgone future.Forgive me for treating you with respect and for being nice to your friends and family.Because Incase you didn't know,am never nice and generous to everyone.
For too long I have fought with the hatred towards you.You took me for granted and despised me.But do you know the one I hated most?The girl you replaced me with.No!You cheated with.For some weeks I was jealous.I thought she was better than me and it killed me inside.God knows my self esteem was messed.But after I saw her,some type of relief washed over me.I was nauseous and happy too.I have no idea why you chose her.I don't know what attracted you to her,but trust me,that's one type of a down grade that I have ever seen.Our different tastes are allowed though but honey?You such a joker.


I will confess that I have been receiving your emails and I feel sorry for her.I can't believe you've been emotionally cheating on her.Was I that valuable that you want me back?Or is it some kind of a trick that you usually use?Please make me understand.Does she know that she's just a rebound?That you see my face in her everytime you are together?Have you told her all the things you've been writting to me?
Honestly,I don't care and you never broke me.






From the girl you tried to break.

CHOICES

Am qued in this hospital, sitted on uncomfortable chairs,waiting for my turn.I have been coming here for two weeks now.Yeah,for injections and trust me,they are very painful. I can't even walk for long distances anymore.The only good thing about all this, is am on a sick leave.I now have all the time to Netflix and work on my book. Hey,I hate my job and my bossy boss.
Are doctors even human?I think it takes more than courage to be one.But in my next world,I want to be a doctor. Like it's so nice to see other peoples butt,right?And you know the best thing,you don't have to beg them to strip for you.As I glance around, I notice some patients struggling in pain.others lost in thoughts. One gentleman is stamping his feet while the lady next to him is "candy crushing".Honestly, this game knows no age,like she's in her forties!
Trust me,time travels so slowly in hospitals, such that one wishes to create their time machines. This is the time one notices that their feet have cracked, skin dried,nails chirped, etc.
So there's these set of twins who seem out of control. Full of life,they ran up and down playfully, talking loudly and laughing too much. Their mother who has been watching them for long, walks out of the room and suddenly one child shouts" Mamii unaenda choo"?This is the part where people start exchanging glances and the kid repeats the same question and not even the mother can make him stop.
This innocent question really arouses my fears.
Everyone has fears in life. Different, crazy, unknown, name it.And in as much as they bother us,they are allowed. Well,maybe not,but it's normal. I get scared every time I think about the future and considering my perfectionism fetish,things get a little bit worse.
We all get disturbing thoughts at some point, regardless of our happy, messy or poor life.We all want to have a bunch of healthy, behaved,genius kids and still have nice bodies. Stick to our partners till death do us part and grow old.
But there's always a dirty thought playing mind games with us.What if I fail raising my kids,and they turn out to be thugs and immoral? I may be unable to have kids at all,right? What will happen if I get cheated on, dumped or abused?What about dying young or loosing loved ones?
We never

have all the choices in life.In as much as we control our kids, we can't dictate their future. Praying and guidance is allowed though. We may love people but we can't force them to stay. One day they will hurt us.They will quit fighting for us and leave without an explanation and go for a better person or make a mistake and choose a dumb one.Always remember that you can't live forever,neither will you choose how to die.You can only make wishes. The lucky one's will die in their sleep, peacefully during their old age.While other's will suffer from dementia, be murdered or get knocked by a car while crossing the road.
I want you to take control of your thoughts, body and feelings. There's always a better side in everything. Have something that you believe in, a religion maybe. Avoid hurting people and love your family because they will always have your back. Choose to be happy,positive and live by the present.

THE OTHER VERSION.

Jaden just turned a year older and am so happy for him.These are moments worth sharing and celebrating. He insisted that I should accompany him to this fancy club in town,but I had to turn him down.Like clubbing isn't my thing.Honestly, if I went to a club,I would find myself seated in one of the corners reading a book in my phone.Well,am still hunting for a birthday gift,running short of ideas though. I mean what do you get for a twenty seven year old,Choosey, silly,special, gay friend? Sorry Jade,this might take months. But i still love you.
So I decided to stay at home,in my warm bed to be precise, sipping a hot chocolate that happens to be my favorite drink,a bowl of cookies and doing something more meaningful, reviewing my new year's resolutions.There are a couple of things I have accomplished and am very proud.
I can now wear my makeup and walk confidently without feeling like a twelve year old.Thanks to YouTube and my fast learning genes.
My lifestyle is healthier although am finding it hard to work out and drink lot of water.
I have learnt to save more and spend less.Trust me,this is the hardest thing ever.I once had a notion of getting someone to manage my bank account, but am over it now.
I have gotten myself a gnacologist,you know what they say about health and wealth?
I can give a lap dance too.Well, am still working on my pole dancing skills.
I had promised that I would be writing often, but I can't keep up with that pressure. Writing isn't easy but am working on other projects.
However, I feel transformed. I keep telling my friends that my growth game is strong and they make a big fuss about it.But honestly, my inner increment is vast.Iam happy whenever i spend some me time. And trust me guys, this is healthy. Go for walks, meditate,have some picnics in the gardens or woods.You can dump the home cooking and get a nice,private restaurant, order as many courses of meals as you wish and have it alone. Pick any relaxing activity that works for you.Just give yourself some love,its healthy.
Many people don't believe in new year's resolutions. But you know what I think,a times it takes a written down note or a reminder set somewhere in order for a thing to be done.It's not late yet.