I'M I NEXT?

The year's on 2023 during the month of April.The long awaited day was here.Outfits- check, food -check, decor - check,everything was as planned and expected.Harusi tunayo ama hatuna? Finally I get to attend  my first ever traditional wedding,my cousin's.I was so eager.

The day ended so well ,I can't wait to hear all her new experiences and stories.

Now here's the thing, people were on my case, especially the women.They were claiming that I'm next and asking all sort of questions.How is it your business ma'am? It might have been from a good place but I found it rude and annoying.Can i at least tour the world first? You're supposed to ask about my well being ,my life goals,etc.

I come from a society where women are groomed for marriages at a very young age. From buying us baby dolls to "you need to teach yourself how to cook because what will your husband eat? How will you take care of your children? Where  majority of people think that having a man and babies is something extraordinary,they call it a win. Make a decision to be child free and unmarried, you will face it.You will be answerable to God,they say. I mean a woman's body is meant for reproducing.A backward mentality if you ask me. Has it ever occurred to you that some women actually don't want to get married nor have babies?  A choice they made because they have a right to.

I get asked all the time why I'm single, because I haven't met a man worth dating,I honestly answer. Blame it on my high standards, my ability to be a loner and my rebel mind to never let social construct get to me.You know a phrase that says "all the high value men are probably taken? At this point I want to believe it's somehow true or maybe they are million miles away from me.

I have met many men who've  genuinely expressed interest in me but they don't know how to court someone. They can't hold a conversation without disrespect, never open-minded,are never wise enough to know that people are different and give the bare minimum. Have I told you about the guys who offer weird childish like dates ? I mean, that's how you think I'm worth?oh! can we talk about them being misogynistic?

So until I meet my worthy person, please keep those questions to yourselves.I will let you know when I want to.Let me enjoy my single hood in peace.Let me book that flight to Bali and maybe I will meet my soulmate over there.

THE DIARY OF UNTAMED GIRL.

  

 It's one of those days again, unpredictable rains and crazy potato cravings. I have been having lots of fries lately.Can I share one of the discoveries I made,I can literally eat anything and still maintain that small body, trust me my tummy/waist is to die for. 

I have no time to take a shower ,I mean I did my skincare routine when I woke up so that accounts for something, right? I wear a hoodie on top of my pajamas and some lip balm and head to this new fast food restaurant in my area.

    There's a long queue on the service counter so I sit right near the entrance as I wait. Scrolling aimlessly at my phone while looking around,I can't help but notice this couple at the corner. Their fashion style is different and kinda interesting.From a clean official look on the girl to raggedly street wear with too much piercings on the guy.I don't want to judge and I also know that you can never have too much piercings. There's alot of touching, feeding each other and taking selfies. They're a lovely couple having an early lunch. Wait,I think they are a new couple on their fourth date.Or maybe they're just lovers who don't care about the world, and I love that for them.

   Do you ever wonder how people with different ideologies love each and decide to live together? Honestly,I do. They say opposite poles attract each other and we all know that there's no fun when people agree to everything you say, but hear me out.What happens when you are a loud talkative being who falls for a quite shy person? A  careful planner who meets a spontaneous reckless person? You can work that out, right? That's what we think and we comfort ourselves because we've been made to believe that we are all unique.

But what happens when they can't let you practice your religious beliefs, when they think that, they're always right and want to change who you are. When they are unable to listen and can't understand your point of view. Will you be willing to be the bigger person and let them walk all over you?

I have met people who complain about their spouse's hygiene .I recently watched an interview about this girl who claimed that she's never washed her feet ,gross right?Why would someone wash their feet when there's water from the shower/other body parts splashing on my legs?she asked. How do you even start teaching a grown up about taking showers?

   How much is too much when deciding to settle down with someone. What's the criteria for weighing want you want, what do you do with all the vices?

I was having a conversation with a friend and they said that "you are lucky if you find a few traits,hizo zingine fungia macho". But I'm a perfectionist who gets easily disgusted I don't want to funga macho forever. That's draining.

So if you are into relationship contracts,holla, let's grab some coffee.

MY MENTAL LOAD.

 I bet we all long for a peaceful weekend after a tiresome week and we meticulously plan on what we would prefer to do.Probably a mini_vacay, some gardening, trying those complicated recipes,a relaxing moment in a spa, you name it.

My plan was to stay indoors indunged in a podcast,a movie marathon or work on my book that i took off my mind six months ago.But let's say I was bribed to do other things."I want you to accompany me to this work event on Friday evening, it will go on till Saturday. It's a yes or a yes"Jade was straightforward. No thanks,I prefer waking up in some pyjamas. My energy can't handle emotional noise at the moment and i would rather spend the day talking to my green babies. I knew he wouldn't take my no. "First of all,it will be a small intimate thing. If it sucks your energy,i promise to take you to a spiritual retreat and also treat you to your favorite Ethiopian spot for lunch next week. Honestly this might be a perfect chance to showcase your designs.It will be a very porsche event, trust me. I will be picking you up and remember my colleagues can be nosy and weird.

That's how I found myself in this nice location, filled with nice fresh air, eating small portions of food and sorrounded by strangers. Don't get me wrong,I love strangers.Well, they can be shameless but they are more honest.                      "Do you work here? Your dress is beautiful but also revealing. People were staring when you walked in.But you youngins should use this time before your body changes.After giving birth,so much happens". The lady across curtly tells me. Um, thank you. I'm a plus one and I made the dress. I don't mind the stares,I always prefer giving a show.Also I don't want to ever give birth. I bluntly tell her.

I'm that girl who isn't afraid of speaking her mind. The thing is I can't carry a pregnancy due to a state of willingness. I have always loved babies and I think i would want to be a mom someday. I have occasionally imagined of cutely dressing them, biting their cheeks, introducing them to my plants/my favorite moon phases, taking pictures everyday and just documenting everything.

Allow me to take you a while back when i was in primary school, getting introduced to reproductive health.My teacher used to say the cervix will open for 10 centimeters when giving birth.Trust me that's when my nightmare begun,it instilled a massive fear.Everytime when I'm in the bathroom I used to check my lady parts and wonder how it will happen.Honestly,I still do. Like, I don't understand the female body anatomy, but if that never gave you chills,bravo.

I have heard traumatic birth stories, how women get vaginal tears, huge complications,loose their teeth, breaking their backs, etc.The worst thing is some of these, will be a permanent mark in your body. Forgive me if i ain't that strong but I can't put my body through all that. I have had numerous conversations with friends and strangers who've had babies and honestly i usually feel  like they withhold information. Like what's wrong with you, spill everything.

Everytime i see a pregnant woman, I'm always tempted to ask if they are ready for the whole journey, if it was planned or the reason they are doing it. Occasionally,I have told people about my phobia but no one seems to share my sentiments. They're all ready and quick to judge me, how I'm selfish and modernized. They also say that mwanamke ni uchungu, sorry hun i ain't cut from that cloth. I be fighting for my life when cramping, you think I can handle more? I also understand that the experiences vary, but I'm i supposed to give it a trial to find out?

I remember someone telling me that i would never find an African husband who would would agree with my thoughts. I don't intend to get involved with one, no offense but we should give our brothers the benefit of the doubt, right? I hope you are all doing it for the right reasons not because you have to.You don't have to follow a social construct boo.

My point is,I can stand nine months of mood swings, throwing up, cravings, not fitting in my clothes, etc but before the doctors come up with a painless, easy procedure,I will continue saving for a surrogate. I'm sure I won't be missing out on anything. Also remember when in doubt, don't.

THE OTHER SIDE OF OCD.

     A lot has  been happening globally and all we can do is take care ,dig out some information and pray really hard( i'm  sure we all have a deity that we beleive in)                        So last night i was  trying to make some chocolate pancakes(a recipe i will share with you one of these days) as i scrolled my phone checking out some funny pictures ''memes'' online. And that's how my night was ruined.It was a picture of a guy who had diagnosed himself to have OCD just because he had cleaned his house,something that he hadn't done for months.And now because of the epidemic,he felt like he was on a house arrest and the only thing he could do was clean.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

You've probably heard a person say that they are OCD at a particular day,right? Just because they've decided to do their laundry or do dishes that were pilled on the sink for a week.I want to let you know that ocd is not all about cleanness rather there are other symptoms.OCD stands for obsessive compulsive disorder.The person experiences intrusive thoughts and repetitive behaviours.Is it some kind of a mental disorder? Does it affect someone from living a nomal life?You are asking all that,sure  it does. People with this condition have a certain fear in them.Let's look at some of their symptoms.

1:Always have an urge to wash their hands and keep thinking of the germs.
2:They keep on checking things,eg they will keep on confirming if the door is locked and wake up many times to check if the gas cooker is turned off.
3:Obsessed with counting eg when they are using the stairs,they will count every step and might start over again if interrupted.
4:They have their way of arranging things.eg shoes,clothes,utensils,etc
5:They might ask for reassuarance from someone about something.They want perfectionism.
6:They have bothering intrusive thoughts .eg they might have a thought about something bad happening to their loved ones and might feel that they are the only ones who can save them.
7:They really suffer from anxiety.

Note that these symptoms varies alot.Whatever a certain person is experiencing might be different from the other one.And some are serious than others.So just because you are sanitizing your hands every five minutes,doesn't mean you have ocd. Let's understand them and avoid making fun especially at this moment which is hard for them.Stop the ignorance.

A LETTER TO MY YOUNGER SELF

Dear mini me,
I'm sure you're wondering why I have been taking too long to contact you..Honestly,there's no valid reason,I have just been  cought  up in this messy life. I'm sorry though.One thing you ought to know is that adulting is very hard and interesting at the same time.I bet you are now in your teens,getting used to your body changes and struggling with those mean bullies in school,please don't let them get into you.Oh! there's also the curfews at home ,mandatory boarding school attendance and a constant reminder that it's all for the best ,trust me it is. It's okay if you find mathematics to be tough,you won't be the only one.Try to do your assignments though.Please be careful while taking  those naked trips to the bathroom,you might get caught one day.

There's always  a time for everything,you've probably heard that saying.And the other one about good things taking time.Wait,do they mean the same thing? Anyways, you are twenty years now and you've outgrown so many people,especially your friends.You haven't had a boyfriend yet,not even your first kiss.Honey,there's nothing wrong with you .Be careful though,because the strings of boys you are about to give your heart to,aren't heaven sent.But the people you are supposed to watch keenly are your friends because some of them are very envious and will do anything to mess you up.Always remember not to break the trust your parents have on you.

You've always wanted to work as cabin crew and your dream of going to an Aviation school will come true.But it will come a time when you will be stuck whether to pursue it or to focus on your writing. Keep on writing and read alot.Embracing new things,meeting people and attending events will give you exposure.Please get to know that man pretty well before dating him,never rush anything.Don't settle with just any one,keep your high standards and feel afraid to pop up babies until it's the right time.Incase of anything,always speak up.I want to tell you a thing that no one did,something that you always debating in your mind.You are different,so it's time you stopped explaining yourself to everybody ,they will never get it.And do you know another thing that makes you unique? Your powerful intuition,pay attention and make use of it. It's a huge rewarding gift.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder(OCD) is really going to mess with your life,something you aren't ready for.Get a therapist before it's too late.Pay regular visits to your gynecologist also, it's time you started having those pap smears.Life will never be easy but you will pull through.The universe got you.
 
                       From your older self,Brenda

23 THINGS I HAVE LEARNT IN MY TWENTIES.

1: Life will never be fair,miracles happen though.

2: Patty Smith was right when sang that sometimes love just ain't enough.Atleast you will need peace and tons of money.

3: Some of your friends have been hating since day one,learn to meticulously pick them though.

4: Make sure to always fit both the shoes before making a purchase.

5: You know that "bitch karma"?trust me she's real.

6: Remember that high school teacher  that kept telling you to abstain from sex until later in life,he/she was right. There's always time for everything.

7: You might  be rich and succeed in tipping God every now and then but  you will never buy your way in life.

8:No one will ever talk about their failures ,so don't be fooled.

9: People will talk if you do good or bad,so do you.Remember life has no rules.

10: Humble yourself or the universe will do it for you.

11: Whatever belongs to the devil will go back to the devil,always choose the right path.

12: Don't just network with  people your own age.

13: Always trust your instincts  and never ignore those red flags.

14: Waking up early will never be fun,ever.

15:Your parents will always have your back and most of the times,they are right.

16: Learn to keep track of your finances.

17: Try new things,learn new skills and when you get  a chance  to travel ,please take it. There's more to life than hiding yourself in your tiny villages.Get exposed.

18: There's always going to be someone more attractive,talented,accomplished,etc than you.

19:. Learn to keep your opinions to yourself,atimes no one cares.

20: Love your body,these people whom you're envying and comparing yourselves to,have insecurities too.Majority are fake and the only thing

they have is a photoshopping skill.

21: If it's not good for your mental health,it's time you said no to it.

22: Don't pop up those babies if you don't have a good plan.

23: Never run short of cereals and garlics in your kitchen.

23: 40 RANDOM FACTS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT ME.

I just want to share  some of the facts  you've never known about and maybe afterwards,we might be friends or "twins" who knows?

1: I'm very spiritual.I believe in universe,I talk to universe and I love universe.I also believe in God,something that i really  argue about,because I have never known if am into Christianity or  Pantheism.

2: I can wake up very early without an alarm and maintain that schedule.

3: I'm OCD(Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and I kind of struggle with anxiety issues.

4: I never forget people's faces nor their names.

5: I have psychic abilities.I can predict many events and atimes I always feel as if I can read minds.(Honestly,it's more than that,but one thing for sure is ,my intuition is very powerful).

6: I have never worn a watch.

7: I love fashion and uniqueness.

8: I can't stand cobwebs,spider webs,dust webs.I fear them so much.

9:  My first love will always be reading and writing.I wrote my first  piece while in highschool,it was  a script like.And I started reading way back when I was very young.

10:I admire confident people.

11: I have always loved reality shows,I think that's one of the reasons I started a YouTube channel.

12: I got my first job when I was 19.(I was a rich student).

13: I love to watch what I eat,but it's like sometimes I don't really care.I have never had body image issues.

14: I have a scar on my tummy due to a surgery and because of all that, some people usually think I'm a mom. The only thing I have "given birth "to are my articles and some discoveries that I haven't made public yet.

15: I tend to ask many questions/personal ones,even to strangers.Am I nosey? Yes iam.Im very observant too.

16: I always check under the bed everytime before sleeping.I mean everytime.If I wake up in the middle of the night  to pee or to eat,I will definitely do it.

17: I often wake up in the middle of the night to eat.

18: I genuinely love life and keeping time.

19: I'm an ambivert.

20: I'm such a crying baby.I will cry when am happy,sad,watching something,etc.I think emotional is my other name.

21: I care for my family so much and I love my parent's home.

22: I have a don't care attitude and this strong faith that can move mountains.

23: I hate alcohol and I can't stand people who smoke weed.No offense but they have this lousy smell.

24: I only love the hair on my head.(Still saving for a laser removal on other parts)

25: If I were to be reicarnated,I would wish to be Shonda Rhimes.

26: I believe in Karma.

27: I'm so very good in detaching myself from people.

28: I'm very picky on what i

watch.

29: I'm always writing a story in my head.

30: I'm very secretive.

31: I don't like school. I'm educated and learned though.

32: I have never had an issue with anybody's sexuality,religional believes,etc.But are we even allowed to have issues with any of that?Definitely not.

33: Black is my favourite colour.

34: Soul music makes me happy.

35: I'm allergic to anything cold and dusty.My body will react so fast everytime am in contact with those two.Most of the mornings I will wake up sneezing (heavily and countless times,I might also loose my voice) also when I drink something cold regardless of the  warm weather.

36: Cats or dogs? I ain't a cat person.I always admire dogs and imagine myself in this huge house with many of them but honestly,I can't stand a moving fur near me.Sorry animal lovers.

37: I fear escalators.

38:I hate underwears.

39: I hate being forced to do something i ain't  willing to do.

40: I love my tea spicy.

21:TIPS FOR A HAPPY VAGINA.

   If you are a woman then I'm sure at some point  you've experienced some trouble down there.From an itch,foul smell ,rashes,to a bothering discharge.And if you've never,chances are you might.Below are some of the observations you should  be Keen on.

1: Have a gynecologist- Make sure to often involve screenings and checkups in your schedules.Some infections may cause huge problems if not detected early.

2: Ditch that undewear -Why do people suffocate themselves? Never let anyone crucify you for going commando,but if you can't then make sure to take it off at night.Your lady parts need to breath .Also avoid wearing tight clothes to bed. Again,if you have to wear the undies,make sure they are dry and well aerated.So it's time you took them out of your bathroom.

3: Wiping from front to back after washroom visits- This is hard and uncomfortable but it will keep away the bacterias causing infections.

4: Include unsweetened yorghuts in your diets- They have live and active cultures for health ph levels. It helps in curbing yeast infections too.Also remember to keep your water bottle near.

5:Have a specific/ dry towel - Everytime I talk to people into buying a vagina towel,they end up making fun but it's one of the most important items you can own.

6: Never hold pee -The next time you feel like peeing,just run and let it out.Or else you will be encouraging  bacteria build up which may lead to urinary tract infections and kidney diseases.

7: Always practise safe sex - Did you know some infections,urinary tract infection  to be precise is so easily  and unknownily transmitted through  sex?

8: Washings your hands before visiting the washroom- Your hands are prone to so many endangering germs,and you may end up accidently touching yourself.

9: Do self tests- You need to know what happens inside your body.Check yourself often and smell your clothes/ parts if you have to.You need to know how to detect if there's something wrong going on.Even if it's not huge.

10: Avoid sitting on public toilet seats and also be careful  with splashes.

   Always remember that  regardless of being celibate you are still prone to some infections.There will always be cases like pregnancies,period cycles,medications,etc that  will lead to hormonal changes.So it's time  people ,especially men stopped being ignorant.

SECRETS FOR MY GLOWING SKIN.

     "The secret behind an amazing skin is to mind your own business and to not let  anyones's dusty son mess with you".This is the answer you will get when you try to inquire why a person has a nice skin.Many people have  really tried to know what I use on my face,and apart my good genes below is what you supposed to try.

1:Teach yourself to drink lot of water_This will help in flushing out the toxins that aren't needed in your body.
2: Change your pillow cases often_There 's always dirt from oils that will definitely damage your face.
3: Know your skin type.Is it normal,oily or dry?This will help you everytime you are buying facial products.Just because a product works for somebody,doesn't mean it will work on yours too,always know that.
4: Wash /cleanse before bedtime_When washing your face,be gentle on it.Also avoid using hot water.You should know that pores need to be opened while you are asleep.You don't have to oil your face when sleeping too.
5: Avoid touching your face./always store your soaps and products on a clean surface.
6: Get enough of sleep_ You will avoid dark circles,have more rest and glow more.We all need some beauty sleep
7: Avoid alcohol_ It dehydrates and ages your skin.It messes your hormones too.
8:Invest in facials and steams,you can also do your steaming at home.
9:Never prick the pimples_You have to be displined here,or else they may spread to other areas or may lead to wounds.
10: You are what you eat_Watch what you feed on.

I hope it helps you to get the glow you've always wanted.

19: WHAT'S IN MY KIONDO/WHAT EVERY GIRL'S SUPPOSED TO CARRY.

Have you ever visited a public washroom or you are in a restaurant and a person approaches you and they ask for some tissues or wipes?  I guess you have. Honestly,I don't like borrowing, neither do I love sharing.
I'm a such a kiondo lover.At the moment I'm carrying a medium size which I feel is so versatile.So let's check what's inside.
1: A sanitizer-You are always walking in public areas touching so many things and shaking people's hands ,you will be prone to germs.
2: Umbrella -I bet no one needs her hair wet from the rain nor her make-up ruined.With this unpredictable weather, that's one of the things you will need.My mum will always tell me "Mwaari  I gatambaa"(a woman will always need a scarf) Well, probably a scarf is the other necessity.
3: Tissues/Tampons/Wipes - Incase of unexpected periods and spillages,you will be soughted out.
4:A packet of condoms - You haven't made up your mind about abstaining from sex, right? It's time you learnt to be responsible.
5: Purse/Wallet- Always carry some cash with you.
6:I have a small kit where I keep twezzers, safety/bobby pins, sewing threads/needles,flash drives,etc.You should have one to.
7:I have this amazing tiny tripod stand that I will always carry everywhere incase I want some vlogs or pictures and I don't want to bother anyone.
8: A note book/a pen-A times we need some to do lists and to record some events down, right?
9:A wig cap-If you don't own yours,you will be forced to wear used ones or spend an extra coin, everytime you are shopping for hairs.
10:A book-  I'm such a big reader and I have so many books in my phone.But there's always something awesome about

turning pages.You see those moments when you are waiting for someone or you in a car bored and most probably you can't use your phone?
11:My lucky charm- I'm always doing positive journalling, like I will write amazing things about myself in different papers and I will carry them everywhere.
We all have different believes, if something makes you feel good when you look at it,why can't you carry it everywhere.
  So, what in your bags people?

18 : MY FORGONE LOVE

Do you find yourselves reminiscing and making wishes? Most probably wondering why a specific thing never occured or regretting why it occured.And maybe hating yourself for the decision you made that has finally changed everything.You can't even share it because you are afraid of people thinking you are a loser,right?But then again you roll your eyes,snap your fingers,curse out loudly and convince yourself that it was bound to happen and life happens all the time anyway.
If life never happened,I would be touring the world,living in some expensive villas,making injeras(my love for injera is on another level) and married to Tesfay,an Eritrean hunk of a guy whom I dated for a while.He was rich in love and had made it clear that he wanted me for a wife.Never hesitated to introduce me to his family.Tey,as I would call him,was appealing in all aspects.He's the only man I know who understood the importance of candlelighted dinners in a woman's life.He used to pick me up every Saturday,go for shopping and everytime we would argue whether to go to movies first or an eatout.We would later pick up some spicy food and drive so far away listening to Arabic music.He would make sure to hold my hand and sing along everytime.
The next time a person tells you nothing last forever,please believe them.Things went South and our love hit the rocks.You wondering what happened?who cheated on who,right?No one,I just couldn't handle the commitments,considering I was so young,I felt the pressure was to much.Getting married and having babies at a young age has never been my thing.I had to set him free and trust me,it never ended so we'll.I broke him so much.
I thought everything would be normal but my life fell apart and my heart been ripped since.I have gone for so many dates but I just can't stand the guys,had a few one-night stands but trust me that didn't work either.I can't stop envying the love birds on the streets and do you know the worst thing?Sad love songs that hit so hard when am alone.Jaden keep insisting that most probably men aren't my type,that I was meant to be a "vaginatarian".How am the only straight person in my circle is still a mystery.I think that's the price I will forever pay for breaking an innocent being.

17:NORMS

Apart from snores,I hate mornings.I have never been a morning person and I wonder how people do it.How do you survive your mornings?
So yesterday I had to wake up early because I was attending an interview.Not just an ordinary one but with the biggest media firms in Nairobi,who've been in need of a gossip columnist.Thanks to Jade,he's heaven sent.You all remember Jaden,right?
Did I mention that I hate interviews?I mean this is the only place that you will sit silently,pretending that you are calm and let a group of people sort of make fun of you.I once attended one and this guy wanted to know if I had kids and proceeded to ask if I was expectant.He didn't seem to buy my answers though,so he kept pushing and others were laughing.It was creepy and insulting.
If you don't own a car,then you probably know how frustrating it is to use matatus in the mornings.Dirty-wet seats,foul smelling and moody passengers.Not forgetting the loud music.My question has always been how the driver is able to identify the different genre to play and in specific time.Like we will listen to gospel music in the morning,hip-hop in the midday to reggae/dancehall in the evening.Am a big sucker for Tank and I listen to him everytime I get a chance to.I think that's a definition of real loyalty.
Seated next to me was a guy who was playing some games in his phone while cursing everytime he lost and received glares from a woman across,who kept glancing at her watch very often There's also this lady who was asleep,how people get the comfort to sleep during short journeys still shocks me.
The ambiance suddenly changed when the radio was turned on and there was a heated argument between these two gentlemen in a certain show.My wishes of wanting a female in that show,still need to be taken care of.They were talking about what women are/aren't supposed to do.Callers were crazily giving their opinions and using all sort of irritating words.
Ever been a victim of sexism?Have you met a group of guys fighting and one tells another to stop being a" woman/acha umama"?I have and i think it's sad and depressing to live in an era where people are so ignorant.
Where it's considered okay for a grown man to live with his mother and depend on his family,because apparently guys are supposed to be close to their mothers. Isn't it what we say?We also call them eligible bachelors,right?Did you know that it's "okay"for them to sleep around?
But it's always an issue to unmarried women or who don't want to get married.And we keep asking them when they will have babies.They are slut shamed because of having too much sex and talking about sexuality.Dear men,we are also in need of amazing orgasms and a choice/voice when it comes to our bodies.
Women have a right to dress to their choice,it's about whatever that makes them feel good.Its shameful to judge a woman's body and not cool at all to accuse them of greed for money or label them as opportunistic when they are working really hard for it.Because just like men we also deserve to have a good life.
We've all seen strong women,females who can do "men" jobs,who play sports(which is so underrated).So,let's empower them and respect single mothers.Because they're our mothers,daughters,wives,in-laws and friends.I understand atimes you feel intimidated by them.
To all ladies,never entertain stereotypical remarks from men nor take them lightly.
And if you still think that a woman's place is in the kitchen:to cook,clean,look good for men and kneel down on the doorstep waiting for you to come home at midnight,then we will really want to question who raised you.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.

"Not all parents are good people nor good at parenting".I'm sure you're all aware of this saying.And we've heard many crazy stories about parents from hell,right?
I won't lie to you.I have the best parents in the universe.And today being about motherhood,I will give you a glimpse of my mum.

She's more than a gem with the purest heart ever,i think I got that from her.I would call her an angel.She tries her best to understand me and I think she's the only person who's ever been patient with me.
Can I tell you a secret?I stopped bed wetting when I was a big girl,like a very big one,weird you think?But she was waiting religiously,without pressuring.Always there to dry my beddings and to wash my clothes.Well,she still does my laundry.
She's always the first person I call when things aren't okay.From when am having a flu,cramping to whatever advise I need.She has made herself reliable and still makes everyone feel comfortable whenever interacting with her.
She's that person who will call to remind me to take a glass of milk daily and give me a scolding if I ain't feeding well.She has taught me about life,done so many things and still doing.Live long mum.

We all deserve loving mothers and it's our duty to show appreciation.Give them a call often,buy some gifts maybe and just make their lives easier
Some might have left us and I know it hurts."But" it doesn't matter".Just talk out loud,they always listen.We all have a mother.
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL DESERVING MOTHERS.

DEAR FUTURE HUSBAND

I ain't sure if we've already met,but if we have,then it might be a good thing,right?Probably you are in some country saving lives,making music,playing basketball,flying aeroplane's(I love planes) or you already married to this woman who didn't deserve you and you will leave her for me,it happens.
Many have either accused me of being a hard nut to crack and a wild/freaky person.They also describe me as a perfectionist,but cmon,what do you expect from a Capricorn woman?
Well,I wouldn't want you to have high expectations rather am requesting you to be patient with me for am a demanding human being.Yes I know it's a selfish thing and it's allowed,once in a while.
I can't get enough of cuddles,I even have this friend who calls me a puppy.Like I don't care if you are using your hands to do something or you are sleepy,we will definitely do the cuddling.
You should know that am always craving for attention.We all need our alone time,you are human too and I understand.But it won't hurt you to call and send some flirty texts when we ain't together.I know you will be looking forward to spend some time with your boys during the weekends,but remember as your woman,I will need a couple of hours with you.And we can do anything from watching a movie,reading a book,going to a dance class,feeding the pets to stargazing at night.Please never in your life call me a clingy girl.
I want to confess that I ain't a good cook,but honestly I try.And am sorry I wasn't taught about a woman's place being in the kitchen.So we have to help each other .Also expect to nurse some wounds because am careless with the knives and I tend to burn my fingers everytime am cooking.I enjoy trying new dishes though.However,I promise to help in other areas:our finances,giving you advises,being the best mother to our babies and did I mention that am good in cleaning and arranging/organizing things?Am also very good with people,I think am the warmest person alive.
Am a vocal female and I prefer people who can talk.So let's talk about anything and everything.Tell me your thoughts on politics,parenting,current economy,my weight,our issues,the beautiful girl you have a crush on,the cor-worker you picked a fight with or your bossy boss.So everytime I want to know how your day was,don't think am nagging you.
I don't know how everything will happen or the span of all that union but with me,am sure you will be a lucky man.

From your your future wife.

HINTS.

I really have this habit of ditching home cooked meals and take aways,rather I prefer eating out.Like there's something about sitting alone in a restaurant that is satisfying.So yesterday I went to my favorite fast food joint in town.It wasn't over crowded nor noisy,just as my preference.This means I had all the time to check my horoscope(this has been my ritual for some years now)and also read a book that I started not long ago(BECOMING MICHELLE OBAMA)thanks to Lucy my very good friend.This book ought to be read,especially by every woman.

So there's this old guy,in his sixties probably,who comes over and sits next to me.He has two bottles of soda and a smile on his face.He even says hi to me,something that makes me happy because that's how conversations start.I hate restaurant conversations but this a different type of a thing because it's with a stranger.An elderly stranger,who isn't hitting on me rather might knock some sense in my young brain.
I have so many elderly friends,something that shocks so many people especially my mum and she keeps on asking how I do it.I don't even know how it happens.I think am lucky and that's one of the best thing you can have,an eighty or more older granny sitting you down and talking about relationships and anything related to life.They are always honest and will never hide anything from you.

My old stranger sitted next to me kept sipping his soda and still held the other bottle.Something that made it weird,as if he was afraid it would vanish.For some minutes I thought the guy had dimentia.Trust me,I have dealt with a grand father with the condition and I know their behaviours.Sadly he passed away and I usually miss him.
He kept on checking his watch and glancing at me. Well, I had to ask him if he was in a hurry or waiting for someone.And with a huge smile he answered that he was waiting for someone special and took another sip.I couldn't question him anymore rather I decided to wait.And boom,the special person arrived.It was h

is wife and from the conversation they were having,I realized that their bond wouldn't be broken anytime soon.

As I was leaving the restaurant,I was thinking of so many things and I realized that love is underrated nowdays.Am a lover of love and I always get excited when people share their love stories.True love,real love,whatever name you want to call it.I think everybody wants love because it's a good and godly thing that makes our lives happier.
In as much as love is a strange and strong feeling that can't be forced.i believe hardwork is required.Or else how will the honeymoon stage be maintained.I have loved,like for more than ninety four million seconds and I always hear his voice and smell him almost everywhere.And am still loving.


But my question has always been,if lovers outgrow each other.I know friends do.And am sorry to all my friends because it might happen someday.Regardless of being tight,we have different dreams,visions,ideas and also we mature differently.I have had friends whom we've hanged out together for years and suddenly we couldn't click anymore.Like opinions on our things started to differ and that was the death of our friendship.
I have never forced people to respect my beliefs and that's why I will call it quits when it's start swaying.If you can't respect my lifestyle(from my dressing,hangouts to what am/not supposed to consume),you can't respect my relationships,you keep talking ill of the disabled regardless of your age,you continuously judge and act as if you are the angel of death to people's religion and the gay community(the LGBT in general)don't get me wrong,am very straight but I have much love and respect for this group.

We might have drifted apart with some friends but this doesn't make us bad people.But for my romantic relationship,I want us grow together.I want him to wait for me in a restaurant with a big smile and let everybody know that he's waiting for someone special.
If we share the same,let's pray in order to stick with what's serves us.

REMINISCENCE

My night wasn't the typical one where I keep up with the Kardashians, journal,reach out on my book shelf or even try out a couple of recipes I got from a certain cook book (I have become a kitchen guru guys). Rather,I was unboxing my birthday presents.Happy birthday to me by the way,am a year older now, officially a young woman.I must say it was the best moment and not an easy task,as I was so eager and I had so many gifts, in case you are wondering.I also printed the text messages, email wishes and filed them somewhere.

For a minute,I was reminded of years back when I was a young girl.Remember during school days when the teacher would request us to stand up, everyone would break into a birthday song and the birthday baby would receive some gifts?Tiny, special gifts from pure hearted kids.How the teachers kept tabs on our birthdays,is still a mystery.
Growing up was always fun, everybody would agree with me.I think life was so perfect and easy, right? People were more nicer and caring.

But we now living in one sick generation,where people are heartless,mean, bitter, ungrateful, name it.People got no concern for others.God knows some don't even care for themselves.We are used to having messy lives because we ain't willing to fix anything.Breaking other people's families, stealing, destroying others and still standing on the pulpit and worshipping so hard.I think that's called hypocrisy.We also have fraudulent friends,i call them "The Judases"like they will kiss and kill you the next minute.

Do you know those people who work out religiously,eat healthy, visit the doctor often but at the end of the day hop to bed with everyone?Why though?To fill the emptiness?

See,I ain't a saint.A couple of times I have sneaked into strip clubs, like there's something about that pole that i love so much.I have also pierced my titties and I see nothing wrong with it, regardless of people always"crucifying"me.What I mean is,we all have our own devils, but we need to stop feeding them.Lets be humane and work on our inside as much we do on the outside.And I believe our hearts will shine then.

A LETTER TO MY EX.

Many months have passed and am sure you wonder why I stopped contacting you.I know you keep checking your phone,switching it on and off,thinking you will see any text messages,missed calls or some emails.Am also sure you can't stop stalking my social media accounts.You might be asking why I went missing or most probably you think I lost your contacts.But honestly,I grew up.I know you will be surprised.i have no idea how it happened too.Because if I were the same girl,trust me I would be blowing off your phone with thousands messages a day and making excuses to see you.Yeea,I grew up.
But now I want to ask for forgiveness.


Please forgive me for loving you so hard.For being loyal and giving you my heart.Am sorry for making my world revolve around you.For sharing my dreams and always talking about our forgone future.Forgive me for treating you with respect and for being nice to your friends and family.Because Incase you didn't know,am never nice and generous to everyone.
For too long I have fought with the hatred towards you.You took me for granted and despised me.But do you know the one I hated most?The girl you replaced me with.No!You cheated with.For some weeks I was jealous.I thought she was better than me and it killed me inside.God knows my self esteem was messed.But after I saw her,some type of relief washed over me.I was nauseous and happy too.I have no idea why you chose her.I don't know what attracted you to her,but trust me,that's one type of a down grade that I have ever seen.Our different tastes are allowed though but honey?You such a joker.


I will confess that I have been receiving your emails and I feel sorry for her.I can't believe you've been emotionally cheating on her.Was I that valuable that you want me back?Or is it some kind of a trick that you usually use?Please make me understand.Does she know that she's just a rebound?That you see my face in her everytime you are together?Have you told her all the things you've been writting to me?
Honestly,I don't care and you never broke me.






From the girl you tried to break.

CHOICES

Am qued in this hospital, sitted on uncomfortable chairs,waiting for my turn.I have been coming here for two weeks now.Yeah,for injections and trust me,they are very painful. I can't even walk for long distances anymore.The only good thing about all this, is am on a sick leave.I now have all the time to Netflix and work on my book. Hey,I hate my job and my bossy boss.
Are doctors even human?I think it takes more than courage to be one.But in my next world,I want to be a doctor. Like it's so nice to see other peoples butt,right?And you know the best thing,you don't have to beg them to strip for you.As I glance around, I notice some patients struggling in pain.others lost in thoughts. One gentleman is stamping his feet while the lady next to him is "candy crushing".Honestly, this game knows no age,like she's in her forties!
Trust me,time travels so slowly in hospitals, such that one wishes to create their time machines. This is the time one notices that their feet have cracked, skin dried,nails chirped, etc.
So there's these set of twins who seem out of control. Full of life,they ran up and down playfully, talking loudly and laughing too much. Their mother who has been watching them for long, walks out of the room and suddenly one child shouts" Mamii unaenda choo"?This is the part where people start exchanging glances and the kid repeats the same question and not even the mother can make him stop.
This innocent question really arouses my fears.
Everyone has fears in life. Different, crazy, unknown, name it.And in as much as they bother us,they are allowed. Well,maybe not,but it's normal. I get scared every time I think about the future and considering my perfectionism fetish,things get a little bit worse.
We all get disturbing thoughts at some point, regardless of our happy, messy or poor life.We all want to have a bunch of healthy, behaved,genius kids and still have nice bodies. Stick to our partners till death do us part and grow old.
But there's always a dirty thought playing mind games with us.What if I fail raising my kids,and they turn out to be thugs and immoral? I may be unable to have kids at all,right? What will happen if I get cheated on, dumped or abused?What about dying young or loosing loved ones?
We never

have all the choices in life.In as much as we control our kids, we can't dictate their future. Praying and guidance is allowed though. We may love people but we can't force them to stay. One day they will hurt us.They will quit fighting for us and leave without an explanation and go for a better person or make a mistake and choose a dumb one.Always remember that you can't live forever,neither will you choose how to die.You can only make wishes. The lucky one's will die in their sleep, peacefully during their old age.While other's will suffer from dementia, be murdered or get knocked by a car while crossing the road.
I want you to take control of your thoughts, body and feelings. There's always a better side in everything. Have something that you believe in, a religion maybe. Avoid hurting people and love your family because they will always have your back. Choose to be happy,positive and live by the present.

THE OTHER VERSION.

Jaden just turned a year older and am so happy for him.These are moments worth sharing and celebrating. He insisted that I should accompany him to this fancy club in town,but I had to turn him down.Like clubbing isn't my thing.Honestly, if I went to a club,I would find myself seated in one of the corners reading a book in my phone.Well,am still hunting for a birthday gift,running short of ideas though. I mean what do you get for a twenty seven year old,Choosey, silly,special, gay friend? Sorry Jade,this might take months. But i still love you.
So I decided to stay at home,in my warm bed to be precise, sipping a hot chocolate that happens to be my favorite drink,a bowl of cookies and doing something more meaningful, reviewing my new year's resolutions.There are a couple of things I have accomplished and am very proud.
I can now wear my makeup and walk confidently without feeling like a twelve year old.Thanks to YouTube and my fast learning genes.
My lifestyle is healthier although am finding it hard to work out and drink lot of water.
I have learnt to save more and spend less.Trust me,this is the hardest thing ever.I once had a notion of getting someone to manage my bank account, but am over it now.
I have gotten myself a gnacologist,you know what they say about health and wealth?
I can give a lap dance too.Well, am still working on my pole dancing skills.
I had promised that I would be writing often, but I can't keep up with that pressure. Writing isn't easy but am working on other projects.
However, I feel transformed. I keep telling my friends that my growth game is strong and they make a big fuss about it.But honestly, my inner increment is vast.Iam happy whenever i spend some me time. And trust me guys, this is healthy. Go for walks, meditate,have some picnics in the gardens or woods.You can dump the home cooking and get a nice,private restaurant, order as many courses of meals as you wish and have it alone. Pick any relaxing activity that works for you.Just give yourself some love,its healthy.
Many people don't believe in new year's resolutions. But you know what I think,a times it takes a written down note or a reminder set somewhere in order for a thing to be done.It's not late yet.

OBSESSION

Growing up wasn't hard for me,I got whatever I wanted, apart from huge gifts and expensive vacations.Well,I still receive my monthly allowances courtesy of my parents. I may not have gone to a "group of International Schools" but trust me, it was a decent one. I thought I was like other children until i started noticing some unusual behaviors. I loved neatness and perfection, which was more of exaggeration than girlish. I remember getting angry when a teacher would erase the writing board and leave some writings. I have always been a neat freak since. Some months ago, I was diagnosed with OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER (O.C.D),A condition which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings or behaviors that drive them to do certain things. Sometimes it crushes me, but other times I view it as a good fortune.My case isn't serious and I always pray that it never gets out of hand. its always hard to share our experiences in life.But I decided to talk about what I go through and all the crazy things i do. I am always double checking everything.am the type of person who will wake up in the middle of the night, like two or three times to check if the gas cooker or electricity is switched off. so the next time am late for an appointment or a date, its probably because I went back home to confirm if I had locked my door. something that i do very time.I talked to my mum about this but she brushed it Off. Water is my best friend,Yeah literally. I am always taking showers many times a day and washing my hands every time I touch something.Sometimes my hands get affected because of too much water. When it comes to arranging things like shoes,clothes and utensils, I like to do it perfectly and in a certain way,after doing laundry, I ensure to use clothes pegs of the same color.I have no problem with this and that's why i keep on saying that O.C.D is divine.I have also wanted everything to be even ; Like when I trip and hurt my leg, i will have to hit the other leg.I know its funny, but you know the cutest thing here? I am obsessed by number three.I prefer purchasing things in threes or the ones that are packed in threes.Surprisingly when I am tapping someone or something , I have to do it three times.Honestly, I dont know whats cute about this. i hate sharing my personal things and i cant stand when people get in contact with my bedding's.I hate public washrooms and vehicles too. When am going up or down the stairs,I make sure to count them,and if I get distracted while in the process,I have to start from the first staircase.When i see decorated tiles or foot paths,I create my own imaginary pattern and walk believing it will bring me luck. The scariest thing about this condition is that it gives one intrusive thoughts.I am always thinking of bad things happening to my loved ones; and i keep on getting a feeling that if am there with them, nothing bad would happen.I get to assume that everything I think about must happen and all these circumstances makes me feel different from others. To all my O.C.D friends,talk and write about it.Have fun and seek help,its never a curse.